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I LOVE YOU DANNY By Nigel Dean

It was there I first met Danny. He picked me out from the others with a broad smile, walked towards me and offered his hand. 

"Hello," he said.  "I'm Danny, your interpreter."

"Hi Danny, pleased to meet you."

The next two days were a whirlwind of crazy activity as I visited scenes of the most terrible atrocities and talked to many families about their experiences and suffering at the hands of the Serbian forces. Danny was constantly at my side tirelessly interpreting everything.

"I am not Kosovan myself," he told me. "I am Albanian, I have been working with Save The Children but have been borrowed for a time to work with you and help you with your writing."

"Well I am very pleased to have you with me, even if it is just on loan."

Danny told me he was twenty-five, sixteen years younger than I. He had grown up in communist Albania, the world's most totalitarian state and learned to speak English just eighteen months previously. He was very good and I admired his skilful command of the language. There was something between us, it had been there at our first meeting and we quickly became
friends.

My first night in war-torn Kosovo was spent in a make-shift base operated by the relief agency. I slept on a rickety camp bed in an attic room, Danny retired to an army tent in the grounds. The second night I shared a room with Danny and our driver in the home of a family who had only recently returned from a refugee camp in Northern Albania.

By the end of our third day my mind was exploding with all I had seen. All I had been told. I had gathered enough material to write a book never mind a series of magazine articles. We were going to spend the night in a former hospital. It was packed with relief workers desperately trying to make it functional again to cope with so much trauma. I needed to be alone, I needed to think. I found a small empty store room and rolled out my sleeping bag on the hard concrete floor. I lay back and contemplated the last few days. I hadn't been alone for long when Danny came in.

"Are you asleep ?"

"No."

He switched on the light.

"You can't sleep like that on the floor," he said.

"I'm alright, don't worry."

"No, wait."

He left and when the door opened for a second time a mattress burst through and landed on top of my legs.

"Sorry," Danny said quickly pulling it off me and laying it squarely on the floor. "There should be room for us both on here."

Danny hooked two thumbs inside the waistband of his underpants, pulled them forward and down. In moments they were off.

The sight that met my eyes was one of pure beauty. Yes, I saw the tattoo quickly, a dove of peace to the side of his right groin, but my eyes focused on a beautiful cock and two fine hanging balls topped with a bush of straw blond pubic hair. Danny had a semi-erection and as his smiled broadened it began to grow and stiffen.

"Do you like ?"

"Oh yes I do."

We were both kneeling down, our eyes on the same level and transmitting deep and inner thoughts one to the other. Danny rested his hands on each of my hips and took a hold of my own briefs.

"May I ?"

I nodded. "Yes please."

As Danny removed that last thing between us I placed my arms about him and pulled us towards each other. Our mouths met and shared a deep and long kiss.

"You are a wonderful person," Danny said. "I think I love you."

"Me too," I whispered wondering if he could hear the pounding of my heart over the words.

Yes, I am gay and in my life I have had lots of sexual experiences with other guys but this was different. With Danny that night we didn't have sex, we made love. The difference in our ages was lost in the delight we found in one another.

Danny lay with his head on my chest, my arm beneath him and my fingers stroking his back. We talked for hours, each telling the other his life story and through it all falling more and more in love.

"I don't want you to go home," Danny said. "I don't want to lose you."

"And Danny I am not going to lose you." I held him close to me and added. "That is if you really want me."

"Of course I do silly. They switched interpreters just the day before you arrived, I wasn't originally assigned to you. This was meant to happen I think."

But I knew I could not stay in Kosovo and besides Danny was from Albania, not Kosovo. The terrible stories out of Kosovo would probably run for some time yet, there was a world-wide hunger in the media and this gave me an idea.

"Come to England and work with me there," I suggested excitedly.

But Danny did not receive my suggestion with the same enthusiasm. His body stiffened slightly and moved fractionally away from me.

"What's the matter ?"

"Everybody wants to leave Albania," he said. "It is a dirty place, a bad country, but I haven't done this with you as a way to get out of there.  I am not trying to use you."

"Danny, Danny !" I cried pulling him close to me and holding him as tight as I could. "The thought never occurred to me. I know we have only met a few days ago but I love you. Come to England with me. Please."

Visas for Albanians to visit England are not easy to obtain. On my way home, having bade a tearful farewell to Danny I visited the British Embassy in Tirana . The visa clerk there told me that Danny would probably be granted a visa for up to six months if I were prepared to sponsor him and show that I could support him financially during his stay. However, he would need to attend an interview and the final decision would be based on how he presented his case to an embassy official.

Communicating with anyone in Kosovo was not easy but I did manage to leave a message with the relief agency via their satellite phone. Back in England a quick exchange of e-mails secured that Danny would be in Tirana to meet me two weeks later. Those two weeks passed as an age, each minute and hour and each hour a day of the longest duration. I had fallen in love with Danny and in spite of our age difference I knew that he had with me. There was so much work we could do together and so much love in our lives we could share. I could not believe that I had been so lucky in meeting him.

It took almost as long as the flight itself to clear passport control, collect my baggage and get through customs. Outside in the brilliant sunshine I searched the sea of faces for Danny. I squinted and began to panic ever so slightly. What if he wasn't there ? But of course he was and how wonderful to see him again.

While there are many hotels in Tirana, Albania's capital city, there are few any westerner would want to stay in. I had booked us a room in the Rogna Hotel at $150 a night. When I tell you that a teacher or a doctor in Albania earns about $75 a month you will understand how very expensive this was. Danny was concerned about the high cost.

"You are more than worth it," I said. I knew he was.

I had spoken to the embassy several times on the telephone before leaving England, we had an appointment for three o'clock.

"I could do with a shower first," I said. "I left home very early this morning. Then after the interview we can go for a meal and celebrate."

"I am very nervous," Danny said. "What if they don't like me ?"

I took him in my arms and held him close to me. "How could anyone not like you and Danny I more than like you, I love you."

"And I love you too. Now about the shower, would you like me to help you ?"

My smile gave him the answer.

Danny lathered soap and massaged it over my back pressing his thumbs hard between my shoulder blades and relieving much of the stress generated by the journey. Then his hands reached round to my chest and began to work there. His lips touched the back of my neck, ever so gently and kissed me while warm soothing water cascaded over our bodies.
Lower and lower Danny's hands worked until they found the place where we both wanted them to be. How wonderful my Danny was. He held me with a firm and loving hand then started a slow rhythmic beat which climaxed in a joy oh so splendid. Then with that joy still surging through me Danny gently parted my buttocks and worked a single finger inside. My inner being writhed in pleasure to be surpassed and soar to new heights as his large and solid manhood entered me. How I had longed for this since our first night of love back in Kosovo. I knew this second time would be better than the first and I knew there were
destined to be many, many more such times to come. Every one would always be better than the time before.

The embassy would not allow me to be present at Danny's interview and I was forced to wait nervously in an ante room. Of course he would be granted a visa, I knew that, but pangs of doubt attacked my mind and gnawed at my confidence. Less than a month ago I did not even know that Danny existed but since we had met and fallen in love he had become my world. If he were refused a visa and permission to come to England my world would end. The agony continued for almost a full hour And when Danny finally emerged I searched his face for a sign as to how the interview had gone. But I could tell nothing.

"Well ?"

His face was expressionless and pale. My heart began to sink. Then a faint smile, just the tiniest hint of a grin, began to move the corners of his mouth. I repeated my question with a tone of urgency.

"Well ?"

"I can pick my visa up tomorrow at two o'clock," he exploded. "I am coming to England with you."

There were squeals of joy from us both as we embraced and danced about there in the British Embassy. What ever the staff thought I dare not comprehend.

"I love you so much Danny," I said wanting to find better words to express myself but resorting to just those few.

"I know and I love you so much too."

The visa granted Danny leave to remain in the United Kingdom for up to six months but we had no intention of him ever returning to Albania. Two days later we were on an aircraft climbing steeply through that mountain range beginning the rest of our lives together. My eyes were full with tears of joy but among those in Danny's eyes I knew there would be some of sadness
at leaving his home country.

I would take Danny to Mardi Gras later in the summer, we would visit my favorite gay pub and make it our local. We could even go clubbing to G A Y I wasn't too old yet.

Danny's first introduction to the culinary delights of the West was courtesy of Burger King where he totally demolished a double cheese whopper meal with a large strawberry shake. I'm not sure what he made of the burger and the skinny potato fries but the milkshake set light to his taste buds.

"This is wonderful," he said. "I've only ever tasted one thing better !"

"Nigel," Danny said. "Will you marry me ?"

I answered with a single word: "Yes."

We were married exactly one year to the day from the time we met back in Kosovo. It was a simple enough ceremony, we were the only people there, just Danny and I. Of course the vows and promises we exchanged had no standing in law, we did not even have anyone to witness them, but they meant everything to us. I had no family I could have invited and since meeting Danny there had been little reason to see many of those who had previously been my friends. Danny had a mother and a sister but it was, of course, quite impossible for them to travel from Albania.

After dedicating our lives to one another we consummated our love with a passion that lasted much of the afternoon. I made love to Danny and then he to me. Danny was becoming more experienced as a top and I loved having him inside me. How I loved Danny, words are not enough to tell. 

I would have liked for us to have gone away on holiday to celebrate our union but leaving England was impossible. Instead we spent a couple of nights in London staying bin a top class hotel where we were pampered from dawn to dusk. We had a meal at The Ritz and brought one another expensive gifts in Harrods.

Danny was fairly well off in his known right, his internet design business was doing well. I had an offer from a publisher for my book, all I had to do was to finish a rewrite of two chapters. Life was being good to us.

As we drove back home from London we were in a light, airy mood so happy and by the hour falling more and more in love. But back at the cottage there was something waiting for us that would bring us down to earth with a terrible crash.

The answer phone was flashing four messages. While Danny went to make some coffee I listened to them. Three were of no consequence but the other was from somebody speaking frantically in Albanian.

"Danny," I called, "this message is for you."

"Who's it from ?"

"I don't know, they are speaking in Albanian."

"I'll be there in a minute."

He came in with coffee, offered me a cup and pecked a gentle kiss on my lips. "I love you," he grinned.

"And I love you too. I think you had better listen to this message, it sounded important."

"Oh," he said casually. "Don't see who'd be calling me."

I watched as he listened to the message and saw the expression on his face change. My suspicion of the message being urgent was confirmed and I realised it was bad news.

"What is it ?"

His face went grey.

But how ?  I wanted to ask the question but could not. However, I did not need to ask the question for Danny knew well enough my thoughts. "There are other ways," he said.

"How ?" I said.

"There are people," Danny started to explain. "People who can do that ?" 

"Do what ?"

"Get me back to England from Albania."

"People traffickers you mean?"

"If you like. I can return that way."

The idea horrified me but Danny did all he could to convince me that such people could bring him safely back to me. Of course he had to go to see his mother and I supported him in that but I did not want him to go. I knew I could probably talk him out of it and get him to stay with me but to do so would be the wrong thing to do and horribly unkind. Tomorrow I would drive him all the way to Heathrow and get him on any flight there was space on back to Albania. I had always used Malev Hungarian Airlines into Tirana, flying by way of Budapest, but I knew there were routes via Vienna with Austrian Airlines, Rome with Alitalia and Sophia with Balkan Airlines. He was sure to find a seat on one of the flights.

Our night together was sad, neither of us quite knew what to say. I was trying to reassure him and Danny to convince me he would be all right and could get back into the country through an illegal route. It would cost several thousand pounds, we both had the money and were it to cost every penny we had we would  have freely given it. We did not make love that evening but spent the night in each others arms, our tears staining the pillows.

The following day I was still not myself. Danny phoned to say that he had arrived safely and that his mother's condition was no worse. I brightened up to hear his voice but something was wrong with me. I made the effort to drive to the shop and buy some Lucozade and a few groceries but was totally exhausted on my return and slept again for hours. What was wrong with me ?

When on the third day I felt no better I telephoned the doctor and made an appointment for that evening. He took a series of blood tests and told me to call two days later for the results. I was probably exhausted and needed rest and a tonic. But why would that be ? I could not concur with his initial diagnosis.

Danny called again and said that he was in contact with some people who would be able to get him back to England. "Be careful," I urged him. "What ever you do don't get caught. I couldn't bare it if you do not come back."

"Don't worry. I am with you in my heart and I'll be back by your side soon."

I didn't tell him about my illness, I was feeling a little bit better and would be my old self by the time he came home.

The doctor called me ahead of the time I was due to phone the surgery for the results of the blood tests and asked me to come in to see him. 

"When ?"

"Come over now if you can."

I didn't sense any problem, my mind was focused on Danny and besides I was feeling so much better. When the doctor told me I needed to see a specialist I was puzzled. "What's the matter ?"

He didn't answer me but asked if I could drive myself over to the hospital there and then. I could but why the urgency ? What was the matter ?

The GP looked down and then tired to smile, not a smile of happiness but one of sympathy. "Your blood test showed an abnormal level..."

I stopped listening. I wanted Danby there with me. The doctor continued trying to explain but I did not hear. In hospital the consultant gave a similar explanation. It appeared that I had leukemia. Leukemia, that meant cancer didn't it ?

"It's in an advance state," I was told.

"But I have been well until the past few days and besides I am feeling a lot better now. Are you sure ?"

From the look on his face I could tell he was absolutely sure and that the situation was not good.

"How bad is it ?" I asked.

"If we had found it earlier," he said kindly, "we may have stood a better chance but as I said it is quite advanced."

How advanced ? God, he was trying to tell me that I was going to die.

"How long ?" I asked.

"With treatment six months, perhaps nine. Without, three."

"Danny !" I screamed inside me. "Danny !"

The meeting continued for a long time. The consultant said a lot and I know I responded although I can remember little of that either of us said. A series of clinic appointments were made but I doubted I would attend any. I just needed Danny, he was my only remedy. Come home Danny.

Back home the house was even more empty. What would it be like for Danny when he were left alone there without me, when I was gone ? Come home Danny I need you.

I am not a religious person and don't believe in a hereafter but I am not scare of dying, indeed I am so strangely calm about that which I don't fully comprehend. But I am terrified to the last fibre of my being of dying alone, I know I can not do that. Hurry home Danny, I need you Danny.

I am not going to tell him when he next calls, I can not do that on the telephone. It will be hard to tell him in person but I will manage somehow. Time is now so precious and I do not want to waste a single second in anything but his wonderful and loving company.